Moan for me like Helen Keller
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Randomize
