guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
