come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
