I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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