'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Randomize
