My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
