he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
