She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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