I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
