Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
