I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Randomize
