OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize