Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize