dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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