you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
from now on my penis is your penis
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
