Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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