After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
