So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
i drank out of a bidet.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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