it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize