This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
