i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
