meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I need moral support for this bender
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
