apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I queefed so loud it echoed.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
