I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
