how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Is her dick bigger than yours?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
