I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
