yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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