So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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