i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
