I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
