I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
