i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
