I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
