I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I think I just sharted jello shots
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