You don't have asthma, your pregnant
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
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