get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I'm both gender and math confused
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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