Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize