Where did you get a picture of my penis
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
