In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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