my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
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