it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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