As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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