Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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