you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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