i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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