for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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