just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
