So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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