Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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