it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
tell me about the eggs
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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