one might say we're banned from that church
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
