I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
My boob is missing a layer of skin
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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