Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
