its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
