So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I just found a bag of teeth...
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
