You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
you are never too drunk for berry picking
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
