How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize