Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
