Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize