just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
