I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
