____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
