yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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