I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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