When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
