WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
