I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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