every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
