So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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