I wish I could punch you in the face.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
