I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
