You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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