I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
